fortnightly roundup - oct 1
In this email:
harry potter, drawing challenge, doctor who, job search, life
October 1, 2023
Hi readers! Just some little life notes this fortnight, nothing fancy. Here's life lately:
—I've been re-reading the Harry Potter series this fall, which I have wanted to do for years. I'm a basic bitch when it comes to fall, and I want all the autumn aesthetics like sweaters, pumpkin carving, candles, PSL's, and of course, Harry Potter. Yesterday, right as I got done making some coffee in the evening, it started raining. I rushed excitedly to my room to read Goblet of Fire, drink coffee, and listen to the rain. #vibes
—The cool air is making me happy. I stayed inside pretty much all summer, but now that it's getting cooler, I'm going on walks out to the desert again.
—For the fans of my comics from back in the day: I'm drawing again! I've been wanting to "rehab" my art block for ages now; I had to stop making my comics in 2020 because drawing was making me miserable. But I've loved drawing since I was a child and always saw my writing and illustrations as intertwined. So I promised myself two weeks ago that I didn't have to show my art to anyone if I started drawing again. And that seemed to be the key, because I've been doodling almost every day since. This is how I rehabbed my writing too, just wrote for myself and promised myself that no one ever had to see it. Now I'm obviously way more comfortable sharing my writing. So we'll see what happens with my drawing rehab. :)
—I'm doing "Inktober" and "Peachtober" combined, which are two different drawing challenges during the month of October, where you draw each day from a provided prompt list. Combining the two lists seemed like a good idea to keep things from being too abstract, which I'm not a huge fan of (probably why I like comics). So today's prompt combination was "dream" and "bee" which is super cute. I drew little bees dreaming of Winnie the Pooh and bowls of honey nut cheerios. October 27th's prompts are "pond" and "beast" which have such Doctor Who series 5, episode 2 vibes.
—Speaking of Doctor Who, I'm re-watching it for the first time since high school. It was my sister's and my favorite show to watch together back in the day. It's definitely become my comfort show these days. But I recently finished watching the episode called "Turn Left" from series 4. And I was struck by how much the Doctor's companion, Donna Noble, kept saying how useless she was, calling herself "nothing." But she was basing her self worth solely on her job history.
—That's exactly how I've been beating myself down the past few weeks, as I've been unable to find a job and freaking out that I have the resume of a teenager. It made me upset to see a fictional character call herself worthless over a job, but I saw no problem in doing the same to myself. It's a frustrating situation. Every time I get serious about finding a stable job, my mental health plummets and I stop writing. But in the midst of this despair, well, I just keep doing "the work." I journal and I center back to my core beliefs. I trust my desires, I look back to the past to look for patterns, to see what led to things working out. And things seem to work out when you stop forcing, love and accept yourself for where you're at, and trust that you're taken care of. That's how I got my two best paying/easiest jobs in the past. I didn't even apply for them, I leaned back and trusted, and they reached out to me and it was really easy. So that's where I'm at now. I got through the worst of the storm, violent sobbing and dark thoughts, and I'm ready to stop forcing and just let life unfold.
—Life is beautiful and painful at the same time, pressed together, side by side. September 27th marked two years since my brother Zach died, one of the worst days of my life. September 28th was the one year mark of the day I met my boyfriend Ethan, one of the best days of my life. We met in the climbing gym, shook hands, and began our first week of the 2022 bouldering league together. We ended up on the same team thanks to our mutual homie, Andrew, who I had met and started climbing with a few weeks before that and who Ethan worked with. The 2023 bouldering league starts tomorrow and me and the homies still haven't decided if we want to do it this year, because they made an annoying new rule. But it's wild to feel like I'm back at the beginning of when amazing things started to happen. I was so shy, awkward, afraid a year ago, so locked inside my head, honestly pretty messed up from trauma and isolation. I've healed and blossomed so much. The pain is still a part of me, and the pain of my brother will always be a part of me, but now it's much easier to let in the beauty of life too, to let them exist alongside each other.
—I like how my little dash notes started off shallow at the top and got increasingly emotional and in-depth further down. That's how I roll, baby.
Thanks for reading!
Ally
allybrennan.com
October 1, 2023.